March 14, 2008
Five signs for women that your date is a jerk
First dates are incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. Why anyone would want to make a first date worse defies logic, and yet some people do. Ladies, if your date does any of the following on your first date take it as a sign to leave.
Comments on how much you’re eating
Look, even as a joke between best friends food can become dicey (no pun intended). The last thing anyone should joke about on a first date is how much the other person is eating. If your date does, take it as a sign to get out of there. Making such comments is a sign of control issues. He makes you feel insecure so that he can feel more in control of the situation.
Brings up sex during dinner
Yes, all men think about sex. And they think about it even more on a date. Still, he should be able to control himself at least through dessert. Sure, there is such a thing as playful flirting about sex, but it should come after the chocolate sundae. It isn’t being prudish, because if the guy can’t wait that long to even mention the subject it means he has no other interest in you than that.
Doesn’t offer to pay for dinner
This might be questionable to some, but even in this day and age men should offer to pick up the tab. If you simply insist on going Dutch, or the two of you have discussed it in advance, then that’s fine. There’s a chance that he might not be able to afford it, but most men simply would take the woman somewhere cheaper than ask her to pay. If he does ask, it’s a sign that he isn’t fully committed to the “wooing” of you.
Takes you to see the new R-rated action extravaganza
Unless the two of you met cute while discussing films at the video store, and therefore he clearly knows your taste in film, it’s a fairly bad sign for him to take you to a big action film. Why? He’s just letting me be part of something he enjoys! No, he’s being selfish. The first date should, again, show some signs of wooing. That includes taking one for the team and seeing something you will enjoy as well. That doesn’t necessarily mean a romantic comedy, but neither does it mean something you will detest.
Answers his cell phone at any point
Assuming the two of you aren’t planning to meet others, or his aunt isn’t sick in the hospital, this is a very bad sign. Sure, many people text message now while driving or even while in church, but both those show a lack of respect for the activity the person is participating in. While out with you his attention should be focused on you, and now what his friends are scoring at Halo at home. If he starts the typing, send him one yourself, “l8tr.”
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Written by: Justin Young
Filed Under: Relationships
Tags: cell phone, dinner, first date, movie, pay, sex
Trackback URL: http://www.victimofculture.com/2008/03/14/five-signs-for-women-that-your-date-is-a-jerk/trackback
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John
March 14, 2008 at 6:17 am
I’d say that if a woman follows this advice, I’d be really happy she thinks I’m a jerk a leaves me alone…
someone
March 14, 2008 at 11:57 am
John: Wow. I bet they will.
Ben
March 16, 2008 at 9:09 pm
This thread is really more what to not do around prudish women than saying anything for men.
1. Get a sense of humor
2. Women think sex jokes are funny too, it’s not all about women just making men wait until they put out. Flirting is fun and there isn’t a time limit on it.
3. There is zero reason men should still be required to do this. Most men do, but implying that it makes men a jerk is silly.
4. Women who can’t appreciate action movies are not worth my time.
5. It’s rude to talk on the phone, its not rude to answer it and tell them you’re busy you can talk later. I live in the real world where sometimes people call me because they *need* me, not to chat.
Natasha
March 16, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Well of course the context matters – if you’re female and insecure when a guy jokingly says, “Whoa! You’re eating all that?
” and you can’t say, “Yes actually, I eat this much all the time and look at me – I could outrun you anytime 
”
Depends on what aspect of sex you’re talking about. I like talking about sex – I would much rather know that he’s into kinky sex before the actual sex – maybe the first date isn’t as appropriate as the nth date but it’s very relative – talking about sex with a friend (who’s now my date) versus talking about sex with a stranger are very different stories.
Whoever asks for the date should pay. Plain and simple. If the woman asks for the date and doesn’t even offer to pay, she’s a bitch. The same goes for a guy. No one is special.
This next one should really say, “Takes you to a movie without even asking you what you might want to see”
There are many taboo and many excepted times to be answering your phone – lulls in conversations that are saved by phone calls are not always bad. The point is that they should be short and sweet. You can’t know from the caller ID that something bad hasn’t happened.
Niles
March 17, 2008 at 2:57 pm
I’m sure women are capable of judging a dating situation. Why would anybody need a silly list like this?
FYI, Justin, different people like different things, and I know quite a few girls who would be offended if their guy would offer to pay for dinner.
Scott
March 22, 2008 at 9:56 pm
Women say they want a nice guy but don’t no how to treat one when they have one.. Look, it’s all about the chase the terms less is more is a fact “Jack”, you act like you could care less and it drives women crazy. At least the ones who want a jerk…
Jen
April 21, 2008 at 4:20 pm
1. This really depends on the content of the joke. This also really has nothing to do with whether a woman is confident within herself or not. A first date already involves nervous feelings. There’s no reason to bring the this to a girl’s attention in a sarcastic way. In fact, if a woman is eating anything beyond salad in front of you…you should compliment her! It’s all about the positivity on a first date.
2. There really is NO reason why anyone with class should bring up sex on a first date. If things progress to a few dates, then discuss away. However, on the first date it’s just sleezy and trashy. Oh…and you’re most likely a player anyways.
3. Ok. What ever happened to chivalry. I think it’s terrific that women have become so strong and independent. HOWEVER, having said that, I feel some have caused: A. Men to feel emasculated. B. Men to no longer feel it necessary to play the role of men. It’s never kind, polite OR classy for a man not to pay for a first date. Once you’ve started to date regularly, it’s nice for the woman to treat every now and then. However, a first date…NO NO NO!
4. The bottom line with the action movie is this…The man should ask what the woman is interested in seeing, and they should decide together. Aren’t potential relationships based on chemistry, common interests, etc? While someone may not mind a girl who dislikes action flicks; another may be turned off by it.
5. Unless the call is important, answer it later. Your date should be your first priority.
* I feel certain people need to put things into perspective. So many in society seem to be of the “me” mindset. Also, it’s not a contest between men and women to prove whose better, but has lately more than ever become that. Let’s celebrate the gifts and differences within the sexes, and remember why we choose each other!
Eric
May 4, 2009 at 9:18 am
This is hopeless A) If you’re not fit and worried about your weight, get fit or learn to take a joke
B) Of course theres a reason to bring up sex on the first date – YOU’RE FUCKING SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHEr – FIRST DATE means you dont know shit and you’re attracted by lust, idiot.
C) Femenists fucked this up for you, i get yelled at by girls when i offer to pay “IM NOT WEAKER THAN YOU HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT ILL PAY MY HALF”
D) If you dont like action movies gtfo –
E) I usually dont pickup first call if they call again ill pickup
Brian
May 4, 2009 at 10:02 am
I’m with John. Anyone who would take the advice of some worthless wannabe Cosmo blogger to determine whether or not a date was good or not isn’t worth my time. I prefer someone who is able to think for themselves. Also, any woman who feels she is entitled to a free meal on a first date is also worthless in my book. It’s funny, the issue of sexual equality and all. Woman want equality with men, except where inequality exists in their favor, as is the case with the outdated concept that the man should pay.
Articles like this are an insult to men and women. For men, you’re holding them to an outdated standard that would spark outrage had it been a man making a similarly outdated statement (“Never date a woman who thinks that cooking and cleaning is a shared task.”) For women, you’re telling them not to trust their intuitions, and instead trust your shallow advice. Women, don’t buy into this crap, unless you aspire to be the 70 year old women with 12 cats, like the author will inevitably be.